Saturday, August 28, 2010

A vehicle for self actualization

Production notes for television spots A, 2,3,4. Each can be shown separately or combined but A must be included and first if more than one is shown.

{Begin with logo

Mr. Good CarЭ)

{Fade, open with blue house for testimonial #1}

Shelly Summers: Being a mom nowadays means being busy.

{Green 4-door model driving around a grocer's market parking lot}

SS: It's a full time job but I wouldn't trade it for anything. (language is focus grouped to appeal nostalgic and conventional norms while still offering choice to 3rd wave and post/ironic feminists and their loved ones)

{Close up of Shelly, 43. After last election, we decided to strike while the iron is hot and open with an ethnic. Next season's block of commercials will consist of conventional skin tones)

SS: But the most important job anyone could have needs a vehicle that gets me there, safely and reliably. For all of life's, ha ha, little bumps.

{Vaguely brown child actor "interrupts" Shelly by walking right into her waist. Be sure to remind VBC1 to giggle and hug Shelly at the same time. It looks creepy when he forgets}

SS: That's why we drive a
Mr. Good CarЭ. Whether I'm taking him to school, back from soccer practice, or the four of us to Grandma's house, there is always just enough miles left for another trip in a Mr. Good CarЭ

{Testimonial 2. For long form commercial, do not start with logo, begin with}

Father O'Malley {Rev Peters depending on region}: In a line of work like this, you answer to a
higher authority.

{Make FM/RP does his rising eye expression. He's been bugging us for years for a chance to use it and this is the one freaking time it would be useful}

{Time lapse of church steeple set. Make sure it is un-Romanesque as possible with room enough for a little doubt}

FM/RP: I see success in the eyes of my parishioners. The bottom line comes in smiles, in happy hearts, and eased minds. I'm not just saving a couple bucks; I'm here to save souls.

{Splice together footage of various stock church services. Be sure to make them broad but accessible with little to no images that could possibly convey condemnation, negativity, or responsibility. Avoid sermons that involve Powerpoint and white/blackboards as possible. Remember it does not matter what s/he is saying if the sound is off}

Mr. Good CarЭ is something I have faith in. And I'm someone who does not use the "F" word lightly. I know my Mr. Good CarЭ will always have just enough gas for one more trip. For a good cause. For someone in need.

{End with clasped hands lined up in front of a pew. Get a ages/health/flesh in various stages of preservation. Apply touch ups in post production if necessary}

{Testimonial #3 Hecter Mechendez, vet, breeder, dog whisper, 37, non threatening legal immigrant}

HM: No one does road trips like my guys.

{Character canines. Use A73 (Shetland Sheepdog), D41 (Black Labrador), T13 (White large poodle), and my niece's chihuahua (Chandra) lined up. A73 barks}

HM: For my job or for fun, I'm always carrying precious cargo.

{Hector walking four dogs at once in a park with a green multi-leash}

HM: I'm always working like, well, you know. I need a car that does the same.

{Shot of A73, D41, T13, and Chandra in the back of the pick up truck model. Be sure to tether Chandra tightly to the truck bed. If this proves to be too difficult, have a back up dog ready. Vehicle is driving on a road to a rural destination}

{Long form infomercial. Buy time for early morning Scyfy, QVC, HSN, and some webspace from less than legal torrent and streaming websites.

One youngish, male, hip, media personality. Think Connor Knighton and cast from who is willing to play ball. Cheaply. Dress him in jeans, button down shirt, and a yellow stripped tie loosely placed around his neck. Think "Biz-caz" with more emphasis on the "caz". Partner him with a slightly older woman. Think young, middle class, new mom who's responsible but still fun!}

Set should have round couches, a table top "island" style, and a wide window with a blue background. Have the ultra condensed, "zipcar" model right next to the 2nd couch. We're asking a lot from the American people and we want them to start associating our product with common things like couches.

Have an audience of about 30 folks. Hand pick them for plausible positivity}

Male Host: Hello everybody!
Female Host: Thanks for coming!
{Scroll past clapping audience}
MH: We got a lot of great stuff to cover, guys, so lets get started.
FH: So, Bruce {just call him Bruce} what makes a
Mr. Good CarЭ one of the best investments busy people can make in tough times like these?
Audience {off camera}: Hmmmmmmm.
MH: I'm glad you asked, Paula {Ditto, Paula}.
Mr. Good CarЭ is a operator sympathetic, 2-4 door, hybrid fossil fuel/brain wave powered vehicle.
FH: An
operator sympathetic, 2-4 door, hybrid fossil fuel/brain wave powered vehicle?
MH That's right. Half of
Mr. Good CarЭ , mileage is powered by the good feeling good people get from doing good things!
FH: That sounds great! How does it work?
HM: Through a bleeding edge paradigm shift in user/device interface! It's fantastic!
Audience: {Claps, cheers}

The following text and information is only for employees with proper clearance. If there is any doubt, you are not classified.

Any questions, feel free to contact me. If you have the clearance for that, of course.

---"S.elf M.ade"

Progress report #580
We've been getting some feedback from customer service. It turns out the "emotional fusion combustion field" of all current models of
Mr. Good CarЭ are susceptible to influence from the passenger's mental state as well as the operator.

{Image 1, graph demonstrating the drastic variance in mileage in inharmonious driving}

{Image 2: Husband with Democrat button arguing with wife wearing Republican button in the middle of a highway in the SUV model}

This can effect our product's image amongst 30-55 year old family focused buyers as well as placing their units at risk for damage, liability and/or mortal harm. Younger and older buyers, who make up a smaller percentage of our buyers
combined tend to be more in line with each others thinking. Unless they are driving with each other.

{Image 3. High definition black and white photo of a bombed out Nazi factory. Crew of army engineers pulling out a black, smoking, sharp, wicked looking V-Bug}

The technology behind our product is retro-engineered from a classified Nazi prototype automobile. Codenamed, the "Volksbadden", it was a gasoline free vehicle that would only work for divers and passengers with strong inclinations towards National Socialism.

{Image 4. Protype #5 slamming into a crowd of furloughed convicts. Be sure to blur out faces and the location of the private correctional they were rented from}

The US army engineer corps spent years and millions trying to adapt this exotic artifact to civilian use. Germany had already removed all its exo-tech and turned in into the conventional, popular "Bug". Completely forgetting it's legacy. During the Reagan administration, in an attempt to raise funds, the original and all its research was sold to the company.

{Image 5, Bunny-suit clad engineer holding a purple crystal with tongs in a laboratory}

We literally reverse engineered the "Volksbadden" by setting all its gauges and parts backwards. This is the success we have today. It is worth noting that the new model is compatible with old Nazis. This raises the question whether our product is powered from the feeling that come from committing a good deed, or feeling like what you did/do was/is good. Some of our researchers suspect our engineer's desire to make this device easily work for mass consumption may have effected and even be responsible for its performance.

{Image 6, 4 door SUV model covered in fuzzy bumper stickers}

We are currently expanding our customer options into models that are attuned to more specific ideologies. These will include animal rights activists/sport hunters. GLBTG equality supporters and those of conventional limits on /gender civil rights. Liberals, conservatives, moderates, and fringe groups. People with varying degrees of respect for reproduction options. Security moms, stay at home dads, and loners. We will have something for everyone.

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